Over the years I have dated many different types of men. They have all provided me with the data I need to understand what makes a healthy relationship. Along with my personal experience I have spoken to many happily married couples. Am I a dating coach? No. Am I a dating expert? Ehh, I’d call myself an expert. But in the greater scheme of things, no.
Throughout the years of dating I can say it has been a bumpy yet over all enjoyable road. The point I am at now has given me the insight to provide you with the perfect recipe for a healthy – happy, and long-lasting relationship. Read these carefully because each one matters. Just like baking bread, you miss one ingredient and it turns into matzah:
This of corse is very important in a long-lasting relationship. There is no room for pointing fingers. A relationship grows stronger on honesty and trust. You should be honest with your partner. Trust is firm belief you in the reliability of your partner. Partners must understand how to trust one another to create respect.
Respect is a crucial aspect in long-lasting relationships. Each person is seen as an equal. Respect means understanding when your partner needs privacy or needs a shoulder to lean on.
Every solid relationship I have ever been in has lasted because of laughter. A smile is contagious, and let’s be honest nothing is sexier than someone with a good smile and a great sense of humor. Laughing releases endorphins into our body which allows our energy to be boosted. Laughter is good for our health – it reduces or stress, anxiety, and blood pressure.
Not only is laughter good for a relationship but it creates inside jokes. We all have them with our partners. No one else understands the humor in it, but when you share a moment of such silliness with someone it’s a bond. Inside jokes ensure that we are keeping a youthful spirit. With this youthful spirit the relationship is brighter.
3. Intellectual Stimulation
The value of differing opinions in a relationship should matter. Your partner should challenge you to think outside your comfort bubble. I think one of the most important things I have learned over the year is to date someone who sees things differently than myself. This has opened my mind to simulating conversation. It has allowed me to question and backup my own views and values.
When you both see the world differently this creates beautiful conversation. It allows the creative flow to never stop wandering in a million different directions. You will never get bored with each other. When one question is answered another is proposed. The best relationships are those who balance each other with perfect understanding and questioning.
Yes, this is obvious. Breath. You need to understand you are not in control of every situation. Nor can you control your partner. You are each a separate person choosing to become one in this relationship. Everyone has their own way of acting and feeling. This takes patience to understand your partner is not you, and does not need to react to every situation the same way you would.
Patience is a virtue. Be patience enough to understand what the other person needs rather than what you want. Lack of patience can turn into arguing or misunderstanding of situations. There needs to be space and comfort for your partner to open up. A relationship built on this foundation can last though the most difficult times.
5. Judgement Free Zone
We are all human, we all make mistakes. We all come from different background. We all have different values which we hold higher than others. With this being said, a relationship should be a place where one feels free to open up completely. When you let go of judgement you let each other in.
You bond through the secrets spoken. You should not judge because when you let your partner in your asking not to be judged. If your relationships lives in this judgement free zone it will be able to grow and thrive. You two will feel the freedom to speak what’s on your mind. There will be no pressure to conform to what society says is normal, because within the boarders of your relationship you’ve agreed to be open with each other. This means speaking about emotions (even when hook-up culture says whoever cares less wins).
“Love is saying, I feel differently rather than saying, you are wrong.”
It is okay to feel differently about certain situations. That means you’re in a healthy relationship. If you never disagree, that’s a red flag. If you disagree all the time, that’s also a red flag. Confrontation in a relationship means your comfortable to speak about these differences and find a solution. What destroys a relationship is when one partner feels the need to win. Communication during a disagreement is about finding common ground where both parties can be satisfied in the outcome.
Communication includes reading your partners body language. Are they happy, upset, excited, etc… When you can read a person without words you have connected on a deeper level then just attraction. You partner knows when you cheeks get red your embarrassed, so he intervenes on the conversation. Without saying anything you two have created yet another bond. Body language in a relationship is never talked about, it’s just something a partner picks up on after being around for a while. If the relationship is more open it will happen quicker.
7. Sexual Activities
This should be number one, but I don’t want people getting lust confused with love in a relationship. The reason I used the word ‘sexual activities’ is because it doesn’t always have to be intercourse. It can be as simple as a long hug, a surprise kiss, or some way of showing affection. It can be a hot make-out session, taking a bath together, or even a cuddle that can create sexual attraction.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe sex is important because it is something passionate and intimate we share only with our partner. In that moment we can show our partner how much they mean to us through pure pleasure. We see happiness in our partner. It is essential to let your partner know you want them, and in return they can fulfill that need.
Keep sex fun. People are always worried about having sex with one person for the rest of their life, but what if your sex was always changing. Never let the bedroom get boring, this can kill relationships.
In conclusion you can see relationships are only healthy when two people work together at it. A healthy relationship is when both people want it to work, and are willing to make it work for the happiness of each other. We all deserve happiness, don’t settle.
By: Holly Kravetz