Say Hello.

There comes a time in our lives when we realize we need a little help meeting new friends or a new love.

We’ve most likely rounded up a group of friends through grade school, a couple of lunch friends at our jobs, and others stemming from past relationships or other activities we take part in. By the time we reach our mid-twenties to thirties, it suddenly seems a lot harder to meet people of substance. We make our way to Meetup groups based on interests we’re pursuing, yoga classes, volunteer events, and generally see people that look cool but feel too shy to say “hello”. We might even muster up the courage to say “hello” but we don’t walk away with a phone number. We hope we will see them again at another class, event, so on and so forth. If we’re gutsy, we might send them a friendly “nice to see you” on Meetups site, find a spot near them at the next class, or creepily stalk them on their social sites and hope it doesn’t seem too weird when we request them to be our friends. Others are just gone like two ships passing in the night. We kick ourselves for not trying.

It gets 10x harder when it comes to finding love. Many of us have tried the bar scene with the assumption that “Everyone goes to bars, so my new love could be there, right??” This is rare. We also join various groups with the hope that Mr/Ms right will just happen to be there. We start letting our eyes wander in the most random locations: voting centers, grocery stores, the library, airports.

We hope we will spot someone of interest, our eyes will lock, and blissful love will ensue. Generally if we do spot someone, we desperately hope they will notice us, come say hi, and take the pressure off of us to make the first move. Most of the time we walk away bummed because that didn’t happen. Turns out they are just as afraid of us as we are of them.

Then we decide to join dating apps because, why not? Everyone else is doing it. That should mean all sorts of cool people should be on them.

If doing anything is better than doing nothing, then it should be easier to say “hello”. Dating sites used to be a novelty, but since they’ve become more mainstream, the same “hello” issues are starting to come into play. And then if you do say “hello,” does your match respond? If you’re the match, do YOU respond when they reach out?

Here are a few reasons why saying “hello” is better staying silent:

  1. You joined the app for a reason, didn’t you? Saying “hello” is the first step.
  2. You start the conversation that could lead to a great connection.
  3. You took a risk. You decided to be courageous. It’s your own personal win for the day.
  4. Your simple act of saying “hello” might lead to a great new friend or new love. You never know.
  5. You’ll earn sexy points on Neqtr, and earn more credibility on the app.

Why you should respond to messages on dating apps:

  1. (Again) you joined the app for a reason.
  2. If you matched with them, you owe it to yourself to at least attempt a conversation.
  3. They took a risk to make the first move, you can take a risk of making the second. If things get creepy, you can turn them down or flag them.
  4. You’ll earn sexy points on Neqtr, and earn more credibility on the app.
  5. Responding to a “hello” is the first step to meeting in person, which is where you’ll see if you two really have chemistry. Chatting through an app alone won’t establish a connection fully.

Reasons why you shouldn’t say “hello” or respond:

  1. You want to be alone. You joined the app because you were intrigued, but being a hermit is more your style. polls_lots_of_kitties_desktop_4624_940328_answer_3_xlarge
  2. You’re ok with letting your fears control you. Sitting at home playing video games, reinventing yourself through Second Life, masturbating with porn, and purchasing lifesize dolls is “real life” right? nerd1
  3. You’re too busy with work. Coming home to your computer, cooking yourself dinner, and then working some more sounds way better than cuddling up to someone awesome. And why should you need more friends? I mean, you don’t have time for them anyways. You enjoy doing things with yourself, by yourself.53a04e21ee01e_-_cos-02-lindsay-lohan-mean-girls-de
  4. You’ve been on tons of bad dates or been harassed with sexts, dick pics, threats, or worse. Your dating life feels like a joke. People say they want new friends too, but they will only want to get in your pants. Well, it’s a logical concern. But that’s why sites like ours are coming out of the woodworks. You joined because you do want these things, and again you’re letting fear control you. You can flag any creepy bastards that you encounter. couple-texting-512x342

How to send an intriguing first message:

  • Common interests: Look at the causes & lifestyles they selected and ask about those:
    • “I see you love yoga, me too. Where do you practice?”
    • “You’re a dog person? Me too. I love them. Do you own one currently?”
    • “I see you’re into the environment. This weather in (SF) has been crazy, do you think it’s due to global warming?”
  • Respond to their Q&A and build from it:
    • “Aw that’s cute that the thing that makes you smile is your cat. My dog makes me smile several times per day. What is your cat’s name?”
    • “I see you’d like to change the world by solving women’s rights in third world countries. I think that’s very cool. I’d love to learn more about that, want to enlighten me?”
  • Look at their location and ask questions like:
    • Where in the city do you live?
    • Do you like living in (city name)?
    • Have you been to (place in the city)? It’s one of my favs.”
  • Comment on their sexy points:
    • “So I see you’ve racked up some sexy points for events. Which ones have you been to?”
    • “Lets rack up some sexy points together by going to (event) next Sat, sound good?”

After you say “hello” and/or respond, you can take a gander at the events if any exist in your location and invite your new friend to one. This will help you rack up points, and make you feel a bit more fulfilled than you did before. You’ll be supporting a good cause, and finding new passions.

It’s that simple. You felt intrigued to join, and that was the first step. If you matched with someone, you have to say hello in order for anything to happen. That’s the next logical step to connecting with a new friend or love. Your life could vastly improve by taking that action. We encourage you to

We’re always here to help. XOXO


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